Top Ten Signs It’s Time to Hang Up the Cape and Mask

The explosion in Superhero Movies with popular actors means that sooner or later, some on-screen heroes are going to have to be recast, or retire. Given that many of our most popular superheroes first appeared prior to World War 2, it’s a little surprising more haven’t punched out for the last time to enjoy lives of leisure and 5pm dinners. IN case a few heroes are holding on to glory days for too long, we proudly present:

Top Ten Signs It’s Time to Hang Up the Cape and Mask

  1. You can’t find replacement vacuum tubes and ether batteries for your “electomatic” crimefighting gear anymore.
  1. Your sidekick sues you for emotional damages. Because “Kid Lancelot” isn’t an appropriate name for a 47 year old man.
  1. You miss Nazis. They were evil, but you never had to worry about their backstory, motivations, or disadvantaged upbringing. You just punched them, and everyone cheered. Even other Nazis.
  1. When your members of your Rogue’s Gallery of traditional enemies are defeated, they’re now sent to Arkham Retirement Center. Where they promise to be good if their children will just visit weekly, as originally promised.
  1. Even evil dinosaurs think of you as out-dated.
  1. The Wombatcopter just can’t keep it up anymore. Its okay, it happens to everyone.
  1. You begin a suggestive relationship, full of sexual tension, with an attractive reporter – only to realize you’re hitting on an old friend’s grandchild and the tension isn’t sexual.
  1. Your Vengeance League government retirement account is actually producing enough money to live on. It’d be doing even better if you hadn’t made those Zeppelin investments.
  1. You find yourself complaining about “Villains today, with the costumes they wear, and the henchmen they get! No one has any respect for a well-done evil plot anymore!”
  1. You decide to only fight crime during daylight hours, and only close to home. Never on the highway.

About okcstephens

Owen K.C. Stephens Owen Kirker Clifford Stephens is the Starfinder Design Lead for Paizo Publishing, the Freeport and Pathfinder RPG developer for Green Ronin, a developer for Rite Publishing, and the publisher and lead genius of Rogue Genius Games. Owen has written game material for numerous other companies, including Wizards of the Coast, Kobold Press, White Wolf, Steve Jackson Games and Upper Deck. He also consults, freelances, and in the off season, sleeps.

Posted on September 3, 2015, in Silliness and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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