Living Under Water

Because some people don’t realize this, and others do but find me talking about it helpful:
I am an introvert. Going to a Con (or any large gathering) is emotionally exhausting. Being with people I *like* wears me down. When posting online, I feel like I have to be “on” somehow, like there’s a battery of social energy I am draining, and when it’s gone, I have to hide under my desk.
For a long time, I didn’t have any idea how to cope with this. And as a result, I often turned down social invitations, because to me if I didn’t want an alcoholic drink, there was no point in “going drinking” with colleagues. Eventually, I realized that other people form bonds during these social events, and by excluding myself from all of them, I was both cutting myself off from the experiences of life, and severely hurting my career.
It’s not that I “don’t want” to be social, it’s that it’s entirely foreign to me, like living underwater, and I can only “hold my breath” for so long. I have taken 20 years to learn how to cope with this issue. And, some days, I still can’t.
But I do think I’m a little better at it than I was yesterday, and I believe I’ll be a little better tomorrow.
Unless I’m not, in which case I’ll huddle in a pillow fort, and wait until I’m not so introvertical.

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About okcstephens

Owen K.C. Stephens Owen Kirker Clifford Stephens is the Starfinder Design Lead for Paizo Publishing, the Freeport and Pathfinder RPG developer for Green Ronin, a developer for Rite Publishing, and the publisher and lead genius of Rogue Genius Games. Owen has written game material for numerous other companies, including Wizards of the Coast, Kobold Press, White Wolf, Steve Jackson Games and Upper Deck. He also consults, freelances, and in the off season, sleeps.

Posted on September 8, 2015, in Retrospective and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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