Top Ten Signs It’s Time to Hang Up Your Mythos Investigator’s Coat.

Honestly, there comes a point when you’re tired of the noisome and disquieting…

10. You just don’t get the same thrill anymore from being driven past the brink of sanity and picking up a new psychosis.

9. At this point, next time you break into a catacomb and run into a monstrosity with an unspeakable treasure, you think you’re just going to kill it and take its stuff.

8. You’ve tired of making your hillside thickets the darkest. They’re pretty darn dark, and that’s good enough for you.

7. You receive correspondence from Dr. Herbet West expressing his concern you may be losing perspective.

6. That balloon payment for your condo in Unknown Kadath looks a bit hefty considering what you also have to spend in ghoul-repellent to use it.

5. When confronted with Ubbo-Sathla you’re unimpressed by The Unbegotten Source. After all, it’s created by Clark Ashton Smith, not Lovecraft, and only August Derleth’s actions make it a Mythos threat at all.  You strike Ubbo-Sathla from your personal cannon.

4. [This sign is illegible, but seems to be scrawled in dried blood on some strange, supple leather]

3. You get an invitation to join Delta Green, with agents Molly and Scolder.

2. You’ve cataloged 687 forms of Nyarlathotep, and discovered most of them are neko cat-girls.

1. After you play cards with Cthulhu, take a bubble bath in Yog-Sothoth, and watch opera with Azathoth, what’s left to do? Best bake the dog, set fire to the neighbors, plant gardenias in your entrails and call it a night.

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About okcstephens

Owen K.C. Stephens Owen Kirker Clifford Stephens is a developer for Paizo Publishing, the Freeport and Pathfinder RPG developer for Green Ronin, the project manager for Rite Publishing, and the publisher and lead genius of Rogue Genius Games. Owen has written game material for numerous other companies, including Wizards of the Coast, Kobold Press, White Wolf, Steve Jackson Games and Upper Deck. He also consults, freelances, and in the off season, sleeps.

Posted on March 23, 2016, in Silliness and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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