(And for the record, I LOVE this movie!)

10. Although the hill people “lack the power to do harm,” apparently becoming a fucking tiger and ripping things apart gets in through some sort of loop-hole.

9. Death and power are close cousins. And they’re from Arkansas, so sometimes they make out.

8. Despite what is says in the encyclopedia, a glaive is not a single-edged, bladed polearm but instead a 5-sided throwing boomerang that not only returns when you throw it, but also makes multiple passes as a gesture-guided weapon.

7. Moving a giant rock castle across the galaxy with no obvious propulsion? Easy. Designing reloads for three-shot blaster lances? Beyond the means of most evil tyrants.

6. Johnny Cash makes a kick-ass, if odd-looking, cyclopes.

5. There are kingly virtues other than bravery. Courtesy is one of them.

4. If you’re running across a bridge with no railing while invading an enemy castle, and foes from above start shooting at you, and you have no cover, and one of your friends is shot and falls off, the polite thing to do is come to a full stop, watch him fall and die, and then run for some damn cover. (See point 5.)

3. Some marriage rites culminate in smearing cake on your spouse, and some turn him into a flamethrower. Don’t get the two confused.

2. An ex-con killer who can only keep a single member of his small-unit army alive is a prime choice as Lord Marshal, even if he’s decided to wear manacles for the rest of his life.

1. It doesn’t matter how long it takes you to get out the word “Slayers!” when being ambushed. If you notice them first, just keep sputtering and pointing until you choke out their name. No one is going to pay any attention until you actually say something, and the slayers will wait for you to be done before they attack.(See point 5.)