On a warm summer’s eve
On a team bound for nowhere
I met up with the gamer
We were both too tired to sleep

So we took turns a-starin’
At the window with the forums
The boredom overtook us,
And he began to speak

He said, “Son, I’ve made a life
Out of readin’ GM’s faces
Knowin’ which big monsters
Had caught their beady eyes

So if you don’t mind me sayin’
I can see you’re out of d6s
For a sip of some Jolt cola
I’ll give you some advice”

So I handed him my bottle
And he drank down my last swallow
He pulled out a tablet
With a screen with a backlight

And the night got deathly quiet
And his faced lost all expression
He said, “If you’re gonna play the game, boy
You gotta learn to play it right

You’ve got to know what’s your THACO
Know who to whack-o
Know when to fireball
Or to pull a gun
You never count your gp
When you’re still in an encounter
There’ll be time enough for countin’
When the dungeon’s done.

(With apologies to Kenny Rogers)