Early in my ttRPG writing career, I never wanted to say no to any project I was offered. Add free content to the “Netbook of Spells” for AD&D? Sure. Do unpaid reviews of multiple Alternity supplements? Of course. Read over a friend’s 75,000 word manuscript and offer edits and critiques? Always. Write a 128 page book on super-spies in WWII at 1/10th of one cent per word? On it.

While that method did work for me, eventually, I can’t recommend it. Looking back, I see so many times when saying yes pushed me away from being a successful game industry pro. And eventually, I discovered I had more projects offered to me than I could possibly complete.

Even after I knew I was at least marginally established within the industry, for a long time I used to say yes when I shouldn’t because I was afraid if I tuned someone down when they offered me work, they’d never offer me work again. Not only has that turned out not to be the case, I have had many more people tell me how much the appreciate my knowing my own limits to what I can produce in time (when I do know — it’s not like I don’t still get that wrong all too often), but agreeing to too many things makes it more likely I’ll do a bad job, or be late, or worse, and that will harm your chances of getting more work from the same people.

So whether you are fully booked, not interested, have ethical issues, or are just smarter than me, as your creator career takes off eventually you’re going to have to say no to someone.

For some people, that’s easy and natural. For me, it’s a source of social anxiety and worry. So, I have kept track of what refusals seem to have been taken well, and considered how I felt with rejections sent to me when I offered work to others. These are my best practice pointers on how to say no without creating confusion or bad feelings.

These are all keyed to assuming you are saying no in a written form, be that email, Discord, or direct message. Generally if I am offered work in person and I need to say no I’ll use similar structure, but I also often have to say “Ah… I am honestly not sure. Can you email me about it and I’ll get back to you?” (Because without my schedule and some time to think about it, I often am NOT sure. If I am certain it’s a no, I’ll say no. And unless I am 100% sure I can do it, I never, ever say something that might sound like a yes if it’s not written down. I prefer to go to email asap, because then there is a written record of what was and was not agreed to. And then, of course, to contract.)

Be Polite and Maybe Formal

I never want to be rude or abrupt in business communications, even with people I don’t like or plan to ever work with. This isn’t about obsequiousness, just clear, professional behavior. If I want someone to keep me in mind for the future, this helps make sure I don’t seem to be given a brush-off. If I don’t want to ever work with someone in the future, or actively dislike them, this helps make sure I don’t say something I would regret becoming public.

Be Honest

If I’m not going to accept an offer or work, or pursue a opportunity, I want to make sure I’m honest about why… or say nothing. If the question is I am too busy, saying so can open discussions of being more free in the future. If a given system isn’t something I am familiar with, that leaves open the possibility I’ll learn it. If pay is too low, saying so puts it in the employers court to decide if they want to offer more. If I think I am a bad choice for a specific game system or type of project, that can both leave open options for different projects and possibly lead to the employer asking me who I think IS a good option, which can lead to good networking possibilities.

If, for whatever reason, I don’t want to go into why I am saying no to something, I just give no reason at all. There’s nothing wrong with that, if you are being polite and professional.

Open With Thanks

Again, assuming I can do so honestly, I like to open most rejections by thanking the potential employer for considering me. This is often a case of saying, “Hello [Person], thanks for thinking of me for this.” If there’s more to it and I have some real context I would like to add, I might go into that for a sentence or so. “I’m a big fan of what you are doing with [Game Line], and really enjoyed [Last Release].”

I like to build relationships where I can, and even saying no is an opportunity to open a dialog and get to know someone.

Be Clear

Make sure if you are saying no that you actually say no, and only connect it to why if changing the why might mean a yes.

“It’d be tough to fit this in” is waffling, not saying no.

“I can’t take on another project with that deadline at the moment.” is saying no, but if the deadline was later then maybe.

“I need to pass on this project” is saying no.

Sign Off

I don’t know why, but I just feel better if I use some kind of sign off, be that “Maybe next time” or just a “Sincerely” before signing my name to a rejection. Again, I make sure that sign-off is honest (I don’t say “Maybe Next Time” if I am sure that no, I won’t be taking a project like this in the future, either). There’s a good chance this is just for me–that saying no to work is so foreign to my instincts that having a definitive end to a message doing so helps me not ramble on.

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