I had something clever to say about the D&D movie, and it went viral on Twitter. So, just to blatantly chase that engagement, here’s a new Top Ten list of Ways For the D&D Movie to Emulate the D&D Game.

10. Start The Movie In A Tavern
I have no idea if it does, but it would sure prove someone knew how the D&D game actually works!

9. DungeonMaster Commentary
Instead of Director’s Commentary or Actor Commentary for the Digital Release, have a special feature of the DM explaining what was SUPPOSED to happen in each scene, how badly characters rolled, and where he fudged the rules so as to not kill the PCs. (And I volunteer to be the voice of the DM for this!)

8. Backup Character
One of the major protagonists die, everyone is sad for about 1 minute, then a new protagonist, played by the same actor, shows up who can fulfill any function the dead one could. The heroes immediately accept him as a trusted friend, and the issue is never mentioned again.

7. Railroading
The protagonists decide, for no apparent reason, to ignore all the clear clues on where they should be going and instead head in the opposite direction. they turn a corner to find…. nothing. No hills, no trees, no sky, just an endless stretch of 5-foot squares.
Then, without warning, they are all on a train, with the conductor announcing the next stop is the place they had decided not to go.

6. Run It Again For New Players
While filming the actual movie, any scene with a main character is shot a second time (fast and dirty) with new, minor actors playing the major roles (but the same actors for every other role). Then, when the movie goes to Digital, release this alternate version as the same adventure being run for a different group of players.

5. Argue Over the Rules
A minor villain defeats Chris Pine’s character with quick wordplay, and Chris Pine is confused because “That power doesn’t work that way!” The continue to argue until Michelle Rodriguez kills the villain with an axe, looks at Pine and says “Do you want to argue about how THAT works?!”

4. *POOF*: A Familiar Appears
One hour into the running time, a crow pops into existence on the sorcerer’s shoulder, and is used to solve a minor problem (flies through cage bars to grab the keys, for example). The other protagonists ae shocked.
“What’s that?!”
“My familiar.”
“How long have you had it?”
“Oh, he’s always been here.”

3. Theater Of The Mind
Have one scene where everything goes dark, the action has to be described by the protagonists (who also can’t see), and there’s significant confusion about where everyone is.

2. Miniatures
For a scene where the protagonists are planning a heist, use actual D&D miniatures and a map with one-inch squares as their planning tools. For bonus points, have most of the figures not be painted, and when someone points it out the mastermind complains he hasn’t had time to paint them all.

1. Reschedule The Movie Because Not Everyone Can Make It
Yeah, scheduling can be a huge challenge for ttRPg groups. And THIS one the studio seems to actually be doing!

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