Category Archives: Makes Perfect Sense

Ten Unlikely FOX/Disney Mash-Ups, Ranked!

So, as of today, Disney owns the FOX catalog of movies and television fiction.

Sure, that means LOTS more characters enter the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and Star Wars: A New Hope distribution rights now go back to Lucasfilm. Those are the “mainstream” stories about this merger.

But Disney had made TONS of money building linked cinematic universes and rebooting properties in the past 15 years.

So, what are some unlikely but now technically possible combinations of new FOX acquisitions and old Disney properties they could try?

Here are Ten, ranked from worst to best.

10. Program of the APES (Planet of the Apes/TRON)

When an uplifted chimpanzee finds an old, independent research facility…. Nope. I can’t do it. Some great tastes just do NOT taste great together!

9. DIE HARD Wore TENNIS SHOES (Die Hard/The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes)


The only reason this isn’t the worst idea on this list is that I COULD see a way to do this as a parody… and Program of the APES really is a worse idea.

8. Serenity Witches (Firefly/Witch Mountain)

I mean, it might be fun just to see Browncoats’ heads explode. Mal and the Serenity must help a couple of psychic kids escape their government pursuers and return to the frontier planet Witch Mountain.

7. Swiss Family Robinson ALIEN

Yes, it’s a reach, but hear me out. In the future a family of explorers, with one famous example of being stranded, get stuck when their colony ship crashes on a deserted planet. They set about trying to survive already harsh conditions, when one of the animals finds this leathery egg…

Alien is at its best as either full-on military action, or small, isolated horror. Why not try that second one again?

(But if you do… yeah let’s NOT actually mention Swiss Family Robinson)\

6. Flight of the AVATAR

Do a straight-up remake of Flight of the Navigator, but with a Na’vi kid.

This is a heartless cash grab idea. Those always do well, right?

5. My X-FILES Project (X-Files, My Science Project)

A group of teens find the junkyard where the government sticks all the alien gadgets and gizmos that were stolen away to make sure the FBI team known as the X-Files can’t prove they exist. Now the X-Files are closed down, and it’s up to the kids to use the alien tech they have recovered to investigate other strange phenomenon.

Okay… I’d at least give this one a try.

4. Predator: Black Hole

I’m not saying there’s any tonal or aesthetic justification to linking these properties. I’m just saying if I get a movie post with Maximilian facing off against a Predator, and the tagline “The Most Dangerous Hunter Needs the Most Dangerous Hunting Grounds,” with the Cygnus and a black hole in the background?

I’m in!

And no one knows what to do with either franchise, so why not give it a shot?

3. Muppet Night at the Museum

Hear me out!

All you need is for the Museum where exhibits come to life to have a travelling Muppet display be installed, and hilarity ensues! Let’s face it, Night at the Museum could use a threequel, and Disney doesn’t know what to do with the Muppets anyway. And Miss Piggy karate chopping soldiers of all eras has some promise for comedy.

2. Kingsman/Pirates of the Caribbean

Look, Disney is GOING to make more PotC movies. If one of the new characters is a tailor, who gets a huge pirate treasure an uses it to begin training other tailors as super-spies? That’s a win.

1. The Orville/The Cat From Outer Space

This one is a no-brainer, but it should also be more an Easter Egg in an Orville two-parter, or MAYBE for “The Orville The Movie.”

But you can’t convince me a race of psychic cats isn’t perfect for The Orville.

BONUS MASH-UP

Ice Age “Live Action” Remake

Ice Age lost some steam, but still has lots of fans and great actors in its key roles. Just give us photo-real CGI prehistoric beasts, and people will pack the theaters.

This is the ONE idea on this page I think has any chance whatsoever of actually happening.

(Though if Disney wants to pay me to explain how ANY of these ideas could work, I’m available!)

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A Beginning Is A Very Delicate Time

“We are locked in existential battle with the forces of Khernobog. Every living, thinking thing on the other side of the rivers and mountains wants us dead. Or worse.

“The Wards Majoris keep out most threats. More powerful creatures can burst through the wards, of course, but doing so takes time and sets off alarms. As long as our Princips aren’t busy elsewhere, they can respond to any such effort and prevent a breach.

“But more minor creatures are simply below the threat level the wards respond to. Sometimes those lesser forces of Khernobog gather in numbers large enough to be a significant danger. Generally they must take such armies through the fords or passes. Which is why there are keeps and castles there, manned with veterans who couldn’t stop a creature powerful enough to breach the wards, but can act in units to guard against incursions of massed minor threats.

“Of course, for them to respond quickly, they can’t stray too far from those routes, and they can only patrol so much territory beyond that. Smaller groups of minor creatures that can pass through the wards can sneak past the patrols, or move through rough terrain a whole army couldn’t negotiate.

“Such individuals and small bands are no danger to our lands as a whole. But that is no comfort to a father mourning a stolen child, or a wisewoman who loses her chickens.

“Those threats are minor, but no less threats, and someone must face them. Someday, perhaps, you will have the experience and power needed to guard the castles. Who knows, maybe someday you’ll even be a Prencip, and defend us from reality-altering powers of the enemy.

“But until then, we need you to form into small groups, and seek out those threats you can handle. Ensure that the patrols don’t have to abandon their posts, and the Princips are neither distracted nor out of position.

“It may seem minor, but this, too, is a great service to our lands.”

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Seven Dead Sin Cults

The Avarice cult steals from the sin cultists’ enemies… but also eventually steals from the other sin cultists, and is destroyed by the Wrath cult.

The Wrath cult strikes at the sin cultists’ enemies, but eventually gets itself killed.

The Lust cult drives the passions of the other cultists, and is drawn especially to Pride cult.

The Envy cult tries to demoralize the enemies of the cult, but ends up destroying itself by attacking the Lust and Pride cults.

The Pride cult can’t help but talk about how great the cult is, revealing themselves and the Lust cult in time and getting rounded up.

The Gluttony cult is then nearly alone and, having fed on the riches of the other cults, is too out of shape to accomplish anything when it tries to consume more.

And the Sloth cult?

The sloth cult does nothing, surviving the destruction of the other cults, and spreads the rumor it is destroyed. Then, it grudgingly restarts those other cults, so it can avoid having to do anything else to keep its foes from finding it.

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Laser Dress (for Starfinder)

The always-amazing Crystal Frasier called over the cubical wall “Owen! I want a laser dress for Starfinder!” just as I was going on break.

I mean, who am I to refuse to create a laser dress?

Laser Dress (for Starfinder Roleplaying Game)

A laser dress is a truly outrageous, glittering high-fasion dress that is always considered to be in style regardless of the occasion. It is spectacularly bright, glittery, and fabulous.

A laser dress comes with a battery, but can use up to ultra-capaicty batteries if they are bought separately, and consumes 1 charge per 10 minutes of use.

A laser dress grants you a bonus to Profession (dancer) checks equal to the square root of its item level (+1 at 1st, +2 at 4th, +3 at 9th, +4 at 16th).

A laser dress allows you to make a Profession (dancer) in palce of Acrobatics to for the tumble task. It also allows you to use Profession (dancer) in place of Diplomacy checks for the Change Attitude task, though doing so requires the target be present for at least 30 minutes of your dancing.

A laser dress can also be used to make ranged attacks in a radius, with a range equal to it’s item level x5 feet. This is a full round action, but you can move up to your speed as part of this action if you succeed at a DC 15 Profession (dancer) check. You make a single ranged attack roll against all foes in range, doing 1d6 fire damage, plus double the dress’s item level (critical effect: target makes Reflex save or is blinded for 1d4 rounds). For this purpose, the laser dress is treaded as a small arm in the laser category, and each attack has a usage of 1.

A laser dress has negligible bulk, and costs 50 credits, +its item level squared x100 credits, + and additional 10,000 credits per item level above 10th.

Iffy Fantasy RPG Dinners

Sometimes, you need something out of the ordinary for a fantasy RPG dinner scene.
Sometimes, you just need a laugh.

So here are the:

Top Ten Iffy RPG Dinners

10. Minos Island Oysters
“No, it’s not seafood. But it is peeled, coated in flour, pepper and salt, and deep-fried!”
9. Froghemoth Legs, or cuisses de vargouille
Served with a dipping poison, one leg serves a party of 107.
8. Akhlut Surf and Turf
“It’s a one-ingredent fusion food! Also popular with chimera crisps, griffon au grautin, and manticore fries.
7. Wolf-In-Sheep’s-Clothing- Hasenpfeffer
“It provides both the hare meat and the veggies, all in one butchering.”
8. Owlbear Mole Poblano
“No not owl-bear-mole. Mole poblano. The sauce. It really brings out the, ah… the gamy flavor of the wild mammal-and-fowl meat.”
5. Mimic Meat.
“We convinced it to be a cake before we killed it. Carb free, but tastes like chocolate icing.”
4. Blink Corn Dogs.
“Watching people try to eat them really brings a laugh to the State Fair.”
3. Gelatinous Cube Steak.
“It’s self-tenderizing. And 100% umami. And acid.”
2. Flumph Carbonara
“What? It’s clearly a Flying Spaghetti Monster!”
1. Flailscargot
“We save a lot of prep time by using a single 12-foot, 5-headed snail weighing 3,000 pounds. It DOES take a lot of butter, though.”

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Rats, Wereratrats!

Adventure idea: A community of unusually short-tailed, round-headed ratfolk (an ethnicity called ‘voles’ by other local races) who live in borrows (boroughs?) outside a major city have begun to be assaulted and driven out of local markets by rougher citizens of the city. The settlers accuse the ratfolk of theft, and desecration of several shrines within the city, saying the ratfolk move through the city’s sewers and drains, and have even been seen trying to get at children asleep in their homes.

The ratfolk proclaim their innocence, and point out they warned the city’s leaders weeks ago that wererats had been spotted in the thick brush of a nearby woods. The ratfolk believe the wererats have infected some city dwellers. The city government thinks the ratfolk are making false claims about wererats to protect some ratfolk hooligans, and thus aren’t taking it seriously.

Thus the ratfolk need help, because the wererats (who do indeed walk among them, including a few wererat ratfolk who only have a modest appearance change in hybrid form) are a demon cult who wish to summon agents of their demonic patron, a scavenger lord who spreads disease and uses vrocks as his agents. The wererats have summoned one vrock already, and want two more so they can do a dance of ruin beneath the city streets! So, the rastfolk want to hire some outsiders (the PCs) to fairly investigate.

The players must separate fact from fiction, deal with hunting down were rats both in the city sewers and hiding in plain site among the ratfllk, and ultimately deal with the apocalyptic whereat demon cult’s plans.

The name of the adventure?

“Vrock and Vole”

Simplified High-Level Pathfinder

Simplified High-Level Pathfinder

Rather than gain a new character level from 11th or higher, you simply gain the ability to potential overcome any one obstacle foe or challenge you are directly facing. Your chance is 45% +5% per level above 10th, , and each time per game session you do this your chance of it succeeding when used again that game session goes down by 10%.
Describe how you used your areas of specialty to succeed. You can use this ability no more than once per encounter. or twice per encounter if you are 15th level or higher.
Also, gain +10 hp and +.5 to all saving throws for each level above 10th.

Simplified Mythic Pathfinder

Rather than gain a new character abilities with each mythic tier, you simply gain the ability to potential overcome any one obstacle foe or challenge you are directly facing. Your chance is 50% +5% per tier, and each time per game session you do this your chance of it succeeding when used again that game session goes down by 10%. If you are only facing creatures with no mythic tiers,. or mythic tiers no greater than half your own, you gain a +25% bonus to this roll to succeed.
Describe how you used your mythic role to succeed.
You can use this ability no more often per encounter than half your mythic tier (minimum 1).
Also, gain +10 hp and +.5 to all saving throws for each mythic tier.

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Island of Misfit Magic Items

I kinda want to write an adventure set on the Isle of Misfit Magic Items.

“So you have a 9th level spell as a prerequisite. Oh! Are you a ring of wishes?”

“No!” (sobs) “I’m a ring of foresight. I’m a ring with literally the only 9th level spell no one cares about.”

“Well… at least you’re an intelligent item!”

“Not that intelligent. I can’t spell.”

“But you have a spell in you!”

“Yeah… but it’s ‘Foursight’!”

… Along with the Gem of Climbing, Cloak of Elven Strength, and Rope of Holding.

Warrior Christmas

“So what does Santa do the other 363 days a year?”
“He kills people.”
“WHAT?!?”
“Well, he mostly sends Krampus and Père Fouettard for minor wetworks, but for big targets the Kringlenator does the deed himself. Knecht Ruprecht keeps the operation’s books. That naughty list doesn’t whittle itself down you know, and if you were an immortal with perfect knowledge of people’s sins, the ability to access any stronghold, instant transportation, and limitless wealth and resources, what would YOU do with it?”
“Get laid?”
“And Mrs. Claus is a hottie, to be sure. But she can also gut a man with a cookie cutter in 5 seconds flat.”
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With Mr. Wayne’s Regards

“Yes sir, I understand. And I am very sorry you feel your previous claim for water damage wasn’t settled fairly, and I do understand your skepticism. But Wayne Insurance’s rules on this matter are very clear. Any Gotham City insurance property policy automatically covers any damage from masked malcontents and super-powered individuals or vehicles, with no deductible and no rider cost.
We’re very sorry Killer Croc shattered your windows and ripped out a wall from your apartment. It’s 100% covered. If you need a place to stay until it’s fixed? That’s covered. If you have any medical expenses related to the attack?
Completely covered.”